“Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.”
Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
Have you ever found yourself offering comfort to a loved one who is struggling by saying something like “Everything happens for a reason” or “Positive Vibes Only.” Even though your intention is truly coming from a place of love it did you know it could also be a form of “Toxic Positivity.”
Toxic Positivity has been defined as an overgeneralization of a happy state in all situations that results in dismissing or invalidating a person’s feelings during an emotional time. Life can be hard and sometimes it just sucks. But by acting like everything is positive and “going to be just fine” we deny the validity of what the person is experiencing. So, what should we do instead? Rather than ignoring or dismissing the person’s feelings we can acknowledge them and offer support as they come to terms with it all. It is human nature to have negative feelings when things are crappy, so let them know it’s okay to have these feelings, they don’t have to bury or hide them and that you are there to help them find their way. You may find the table below extremely helpful to support your loved one while they process their emotions. Because at the end of the day, we all want and need the proper tools so we can be there and support the ones we love without making them feel shame or guilt for feeling the way they do.
